Am I Simply a Coward?
Again, my freshly made-up face is messed up with semen
and sweat. I often don’t see the point anymore.
I feel as if I take my showers and do my hair nicely only to be the one to clean up the house, be yelled at and end up exhausted at the end of the day. Taking care of myself doesn’t feel like anything.
Where is the help? Where is the consideration for how bad I feel?
I hate not being able to afford to leave this meaningless situation.
No one is happy to see me.
My feet ache. I do all of the errands, open and read all of the mail,
work as much as I can, leaving some energy for doing chores around the house.
It’s so hard to look nice and have to be the one to earn the money and keep the house clean and be the one talked down on.
I don’t want this.
Does anyone care? Who out there will listen to me?
I am aware that there are many who are alone in a situation similar to this, but I take no comfort thinking this way.
Should I keep imagining others like me to make myself feel better?
I feel overwhelmed.
I don’t know where to go.
Am I simply a coward?
