I’m Not Sure How to Be a Part of This World

Unsplash — Warren Wong

I look around my immediate surroundings and wonder why, for all of my life here, no one accepts me.

I’ve had so many people walk quickly away from me after saying hello.

I’ve been let go from my job several times.

My application has been laughed at more times than I have cared to count.

People have come and gone within a day or two or three days of messaging me and I end up wondering if I’ve said anything wrong.

As I look back, I confirm that I’ve never been someone that anyone ever really wanted to sit with. I don’t count those times when I was alone and one person (a different one each time) might ask to sit with me because they felt sorry for me.

I truthfully tell you that I find myself not knowing what words to say to keep anyone by my side.

I think back on my experiences and I have given in to think that none of them is anything that anyone would ever care about.

I have never found anyone here who is interested in what I read.

I’ve been snapped at for writing what I write.

I honestly inform you that I’ve been told more times than not to be someone else.