There was a headline of an Italian bride marrying herself two weeks ago. I didn’t click on the headline the evening that I saw it but it did catch my attention and the headline lingered in my mind that it led me to look up articles about the bride, whose name was Laura Mesi, two days ago. That article led me to another story about another woman, a British national named Sophie Tanner, to marry herself after having gone through years of mistreatment and bad dates.
From those articles, I learned of the word ‘sologamy’: marriage to self.
It wasn’t the first time the inkling of perhaps marrying myself one day entered my mind. I mentioned the prospect of marrying myself to a young man whom I was interested in but whom already had a girlfriend and then was married and he said that it was better than feeling the way I did for him as he was married.
I’ve gotten to thinking about my marriage to myself and how I would celebrate it. There was an episode in Cake Wars on the Food Network channel a couple of years ago that I still remember because the episode featured an engaged couple that was on the show that was going to choose their wedding cake. There were four bakers competing against each other to win the place of having their choice of wedding cake be chosen as the one in that couple’s wedding. One of the bakers made a cake that I still remember to this day and that I would love to have in my wedding: a traditional French wedding cake called ‘Croquembouche’ (a cake that is in the form of a pyramid made with tons of cream puffs and spun sugar).
When I saw the cake come to life on the show, I fell slowly in love with it. The cake wasn’t the winning cake but it didn’t change my liking toward it. It looked unlike what people in the US think of as a wedding cake; a lot like me since I feel that I’m unlike most people I come across everywhere I’ve gone in the world. I could see myself comforting myself with mouthfuls of that characteristically unique cake in my mouth.
If I were to marry myself, I would love to have a traditional Russian ring which has a triple ring design. It’s three rings that are interlocked with each other: one if gold, another is silver and another is rose-gold. I would prefer that my ring have small diamonds on one of the bands. I first noticed this type of ring somewhere online and the image stayed with me. There isn’t a big diamond in the middle that may get in the way of doing things. I also like that the ring has a triple color combination. Like the croquembouche, when I read the description of the ring at the time that it was traditionally a ring that Russian brides wore, I got into thinking seriously that that was my dream wedding ring because since I was fourteen (and very much so now), I’ve always had a weakness for things Russian. I read about the ring not long ago, probably several weeks ago (but time passes so fast that I’m not really sure).
My dream wedding venue would be at a luxury hotel. I stepped into the Shangri-La Hotel only twice in Istanbul and with the way the crystal chandelier looked upon entering the hotel and the gold and white interior, I knew right away that marrying at a venue such as that would be awesome. I would prefer to have a small gathering with only my parents, brother and few close friends in attendance with a lovely dinner that includes a fusion of different East and South Asian cuisines: sushi, Korean bibimbap, Thai and Indian curries and Indian desserts would do with Taiwanese bubble tea, water and other beverages other people may like to have with the meal. It’s hard to say where the location of the hotel would be but I know now that the hotel must be a luxury one because it’s what I want and I deserve it.
My dream honeymoon would be in Zanzibar, near the African nation of Tanzania. I often hear from Turkish Airlines flight attendants that Zanzibar was the most beautiful place that they have to on the African continent and that the people were incredible (Anywhere that those girls have gone to in Africa, the locals are perceived as polite but in Zanzibar, I was told that they were more so). I have never touched the African continent so far in my life so, if not Zanzibar, then somewhere else in Africa. Africa is as well-traveled in as other regions in the world which makes it more enticing for me to want to spend a honeymoon with myself somewhere there.
The very first time I thought of the ‘marrying myself’ idea was a time when I began to realize much more clearly that it looked like I was destined to love myself and not have a man do it for me. Since early childhood, I’ve already had the feeling, because I’ve always been ‘the odd one’ in any crowd, that I was going to live a life journey of accepting and loving myself.
All of what I’ve described above that I would like to have in my ‘marrying’ myself ceremony comes from how much value I put on myself; those things act as fun treats that I would love to spoil myself with due to what I’ve gone through since as far back as five years old as a little girl who didn’t have anyone to hold on to. Having dealt with nightmarish relatives, a mother who has lost all hope for me in my being anybody in this world and all those people who have rejected me for being ‘a bit of a weird, wandering mess’, I stand firm on how much I’m worth. This self-love journey is ongoing.
This journey, in fact, is one that every person who lives in this world is on but some people have chosen to stop after a short time, others have gone on and off, others are going to continue for a long time and others don’t want to proceed forward after some time has passed.
I stand by me. With each passing day, I don’t sit still; I read, smell, taste and see and feel more. I’ve added more goals. I’ve added more thoughts and hopes.
Maybe I’ll end up ‘sologamous’, maybe not. I don’t know.
I only know for sure that whether or not I see my ‘marrying myself’ wedding happen or if, by a miracle, I actually marry someone, love for myself should be the constant in my life.