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Nobody Has Caused Me to Care
Sometimes I feel like drinking.
Sometimes I feel like having sex with multiple partners.
I don’t feel like doing ‘what is right’ sometimes.
Many times, I don’t feel like holding myself up to certain standards.
With every rejection that comes my way, it’s another reason to forget about finding a proper job;
It’s another reason why I don’t feel like being nice anymore.
The more dead ends I face and the more doors that shut in my face,
the more I don’t feel like trying hard any longer.
I’ve asked myself this a lot now: “Why make much effort when no one wants you?’
I have thoughts of something drastic.
Since I am constantly pushed aside or mistreated, I don’t see why I should contribute to anything.
Nobody has caused me to care.
I wish badly that I could drink so I actually don’t talk down on heavy drinkers even when they are violent.
I am not one to think that adult performers or other sex workers do anything bad as I sometimes wish I could do the same as them.
I can’t say what draws me to those two risky behaviors in particular; they just do.
