Not a Choice

Deborah Kristina
7 min readNov 6, 2017


I love colors! The more, the merrier! They remind me of diversity and inclusion.

Being gay isn’t a choice.

The more I think about it, the more I just don’t see that being LGTBQ is a choice at all.

Being LGBTQ isn’t disgusting.

My mother used to say, when she saw a kissing scene on TV, that kissing was gross (because two people exchange their bacteria when they do, she said. Perhaps it’s better to think that we spread our bacteria to other all the time anyway? And why not perceive kissing as a way for two people to show that they feel strongly toward each other instead?). If kissing were a dirty act for heterosexuals then its a dirty act for everyone else. Since it can be agreed that kissing and hugging and other forms of intimacy are normal and natural expressions to show love then how are these demonstrations of love suddenly perceived as abnormal when LGBTQ people do the same? I don’t see the abnormality because LGTBQ people are people too. Their showing love to their partners isn’t more or less repulsive. The displays of affection performed carry the same feelings of love and loyalty and compassion between two LGBTQ individuals as they do between two heterosexual individuals. I prefer to think that an LGBTQ couple and a heterosexual couple are all just people in relationships. Why keep anyone from reaching out to others with the intention of seeking a connection? Ca people do this very good thing without feeling limited to whom they choose to connect with?

I think it’s great to want to love another person. It’s great to intend to be good to someone else.

What makes it okay to make someone unhappy when all they want is companionship? It’s not okay to hate anyone for wanting to be closer to certain people. All of us want to be closer to ‘those certain people’; whether we feel closer to people who are into business, or find people who wear glasses attractive or hope to start relationships with people who like philosophy or people who know a lot about maritime law or bald people, it can’t be denied that all people are naturally, and more inclined to be drawn, to certain types of people. Hoping to have a long-term relationship with someone who loves crows is not different fro LGBTQ people who hope to find attachment o people they want to be with too.

There are a lot of people that heterosexuals aren’t attracted to and this same thing applies to LGBTQ people. All of us will only be attracted to a few people in all of our lives; none of us would be attracted to most of the world. LGBTQ people aren’t ‘different’ from everyone else. They aren’t any kind of ‘threat’.

They simply want to love and, more than that, to be loved and accepted like all the rest of us. I wish for LGBTQ people to love more freely instead of being afraid to publicly announce their relationships. I hate how most of the world still insist that LGBTQ people aren’t okay. I don’t like that a lot of people still talk about them as if they weren’t human. People can choose to dislike whomever they want (a lot of people don’t like me either and, you, reader, have plenty of people who dislike you or don’t prefer your company as well and this is okay since this is how humans and animals are. All of us are unsure about others and don’t like something about someone else for our own reasons which is normal) but not having a good feeling about someone else doesn’t warrant disrespect nor bullying nor assault nor violence nor any other intention to harm. We can dislike anyone we want but we are obligated to be polite or just keep a respectful distance. I think we are also obligated to understand people and see them as individuals as much as we’d like to be understood and be perceived as an individual judged on our own actions and characters alone. We are obligated to do so because we live in an interdependent world.

Violence and hatred don’t keep the world going.

Harming LGBTQ people is worsening the quality of life of others. Hurting anyone creates a less harmonious world.

There are a lot of LGBTQ people who are afraid to live. Why not all of us discuss how to create a more comfortable atmosphere for everyone to live in?

I’m not okay with interpreting any religious texts as stating that homosexuality is evil. To preach that there’s something wrong with being LGBTQ is evil; simply having a certain sexual preference isn’t evil. I only see that LGBTQ people want to be kind to those they hope to be with for the rest of their lives. To mislead people to think that being LGBTQ isn’t normal or right creates bad feelings and prejudice and I don’t condone this. To interpret any religious text to support negative ideas is wrong.

Why not interpret any text as a way to encourage positive emotions and a good perspective of others?

I’ve heard many people interpreting various texts as saying that LGTBQ people ought to be severely punished or even killed (I’ve sat in cafes and listened to the person in front of me saying these things. I’ve taken part in groups that have candidly said these horrible things). I wonder if such people even hear themselves or if they even realized how hateful or destructive they sound. Isn’t it wrong to want to take out a life especially when that life hasn’t done anything bad to anyone personally? It’s been said that practicing a religion is a way living correctly; then how is putting LGBTQ people down or seeing them as pretty much non-human entities or believing that the people they want to love (which the world needs so much of) can’t possibly be loved a constructive way to live and perceive people?

I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to sit down and get to know individual LGBTQ people. A lot of LGBTQ people aren’t doing well because they are misunderstood (feared, even, which is strange because I’m personally looking over my shoulder more when I’m around heterosexuals as they’ve been the ones who’ve been very mean to me my whole life. LGBTQ people haven’t done any bad to me that’s ever been locked in my memory). I don’t understand how they’ve become targets of abuse for simply wanting to be in relationships.

Referring back to religion earlier, there was a young lady who saw something in me enough to invite me to LGBTQ events and to a gay-friendly church in downtown Roanoke, Virginia where I attended university. I had fun at the church that one time I went to watch Mamma Mia starring Amanda Siegfried. There were snacks and purely good people (a lot of people in my life have seen me as tolerant not only of LGBTQ people but of interracial relationships [I still remember since places in the South where interracial couples talked to me with more open friendliness than they did with others whom they perceived weren’t as welcoming of their relationships which I also thought was odd and extremely confusing. I also recall being invited to events about celebrating other races and ethnic backgrounds such as black-American issues and issues that other Americans of color faced, I’ve had many fun times just for seeing everyone as one and I only felt bad that I was a minority due to my more understanding ways of thinking]). Everyone was either LGBTQ or thought that LGBTQ people should be treated much, much better than they were treated at the time (and now!).

I felt great. I talked to everyone and ate and felt that everyone was just only as human as me, It was a church with faithful people. That was it. It was a church that was a safe haven for LGBTQ people which I thought should be the way. I liked the philosophy of that church which said to love and bring all people together to create a more peaceful world. I definitely agreed with that. Why not all (or at least more) houses of worship were that way greatly baffled me.

I frown at people who don’t speak well of LGBTQ people. My sad face comes on when I hear that LGBTQ people chose their lifestyle and that they had to learn to deal with discrimination. I’d like to say again that they didn’t choose to be LGBTQ.

They have to learn to deal with discrimination? Really?

Yes, it’s true since discrimination against LGBTQ people exist but I find it ridiculous that if being gay were a ‘choice’ then why would anyone in their right mind ‘choose’ to face discrimination and be misunderstood? Why would anyone ‘choose’ to live a difficult life if they could help it?

No. LGBTQ people shouldn’t have to suffer just because people want to remain ignorant and hateful. People need to be more aware. They need to talk to LGBTQ people like they would with anyone else and get to know them and not a lot of time would pass until they realize that LGBTQ people also want to belong; they also have hopes and concerns and also appreciate nights in on weekends sometimes.

Seriously-speaking, and once again, being LGBTQ isn’t disgusting. What’s disgusting is seeing the fun in hurting other people. It’s disgusting to see any LGBTQ person (or anyone else that people group together and decide to dislike) as people that need fixing just because they aren’t perceived as good, and if they could just change a little just to make other people more comfortable or fit others’ standards of what’s ‘right’ they’d be good which is absurd because all they want is to love their partners anywhere they wish without being condemned.



Deborah Kristina

Author of ‘A Girl All Alone Somewhere in the World’, ‘Confessions and Thoughts of a Girl in Turkey’, ‘From Just a Girl Grown Up in America’. (