On Far Too Many Women in Turkey

I don’t know why a story about a woman who was beaten to death by a frying pan by her husband (because his food wasn’t salty enough) somewhere in Turkey bothers me, though, I don’t know that woman.

There was a story about a woman who was electrocuted by her husband for giving birth to a second girl (she went to sleep after giving birth and he electrocuted her). That bothers me still as I walk around the streets in Istanbul.

I’ve had many female students who didn’t speak in class because their boyfriends were present; when I asked those girls for their opinions or ideas about something, I got silence. Once, there was a couple who came to a speaking activity and I noticed that the man glared at me when I used to ask his wife to say something and he would talk over her or speak for her. I couldn’t get anything from her. I tried to be as polite as I could…

I used to teach two children in a couple’s home. The woman used to talk to me and she said she liked me and her 10-year-old son liked me too but her husband didn’t like me. She was a 43-year-old housewife and she used to tell me she was really bored and she wasn’t happy. She even told me that there were a lot of girls in Turkey who were obligated to do things they didn’t want to do, even she was obligated to stay home. She told me I had to understand that the man had the final say on everything in Turkey. It didn’t matter that she was unhappy. It also didn’t matter that her sister who lived down the street was traumatized to a point that she couldn’t work, couldn’t marry, couldn’t go outside (her sister lived in their parents’ home) and it was her responsibility to take her sister to a psychiatrist twice a week (and her sister would fight not to go because she didn’t want to leave the house).

Though, that woman liked me and saw nothing wrong with me, she told me I couldn’t come teach their children anymore because her husband said so. She even used to ask me to teach her some English too. It wasn’t her decision, though. She told me she didn’t even ask her husband if she could take lessons from me; even said to keep it a secret.

She said in Turkey the woman was obligated to let the man do everything he wanted. She said Turkish women weren’t happy but they had to let men do what they want to keep the peace.

Again, I can’t forget any of this as I walk around the streets of Istanbul.

There are many girls who don’t come to class unless their boyfriends come. There are young men who don’t allow their girlfriends to see their friends sometimes. There was a young man once who told me, “In Turkey, girls are raised to learn to cook and do housework. These days, Turkish girls go to school because it’s just a hobby for them.” There was a girl who was the girlfriend of his friend, who heard him say that and she laughed but, in fact, there were times when she was unhappy because her boyfriend restricted her movements. Her boyfriend showed me photos of them at a football (soccer) game, they looked content in the photos and he used to tell me that his girlfriend had to love the same team as he did because that was the way it was.
He didn’t allow his girlfriend to be alone with me; he always had to be there. I pointed out that I was female, what was wrong with my teaching her English when he wasn’t around and he used to say that he had to protect her from wrong ideas that I may share.

I do all I can to ignore what I see but I don’t know why I can’t. I don’t know why I just can’t live my own life and not feel bothered by the way a lot of girls are treated.