Someone Who Is Sick Isn’t Suddenly ‘Nobody’

Deborah Kristina
3 min readJan 29, 2023
Unsplash — Olga Kononenko

I don’t understand a spouse who is violent with their partner for being extremely ill.

Someone who becomes sick and eventually disabled isn’t stupid and necessarily incompetent.

Just because someone gets sick and can’t work as a result, this doesn’t mean that that person should be reprimanded and beaten repeatedly.

Scolding the person daily worsens that person’s physical and mental health. Putting that person down doesn’t motivate the person to do anything.

Sick people are not necessarily lazy people.

Has there ever been love in a relationship/marriage such as this?

I wouldn’t have the heart to pick something up and hit my sick spouse over and over for being sick. I wouldn’t blame him for ‘causing me misfortune or bad luck’.

I think that if a spouse meant anything to someone, then that person would be concerned and take care of them. I would think that one would want to spend time with the person by way of reading with them, or making meals that that person likes. Or bathe the sick spouse more than once a day.

I even picture myself seeing dressing up my spouse as intimate. I wouldn’t mind placing soft things on him, rubbing his head, holding his hand, or making sure that he gets enough to drink. I would understand that being sick can be a humiliating experience so I would make sure that my spouse is comfortable and relaxed.

I would emphasize how it’s okay to be sick and that being sick is the body’s way of telling us that something is wrong and that something needs to be done to get the body better.

Being sick can be a lonely experience.

I can’t understand being someone’s spouse and seeing my spouse as a piece of crap because of their health problem.

My mind goes in a lot of directions and it has gone in this direction this morning.

Someone who is sick isn’t suddenly ‘nobody’.

I would allow my spouse to allow his body to do whatever it needs to recover. I would be clear with him about that.

I would ensure that his self-esteem remains intact.



Deborah Kristina

Author of ‘A Girl All Alone Somewhere in the World’, ‘Confessions and Thoughts of a Girl in Turkey’, ‘From Just a Girl Grown Up in America’. (